These are IELTS band 6 essay samples which were given grades (of 6 or 6.5) and primary feedback on the rating for every standards by an skilled IELTS teacher.
Subject: Wages of Entertainers (band 6)
Some folks consider that entertainers are paid too a lot and their influence on society is destructive, whereas others disagree and consider that they deserve the cash that they make due to their constructive results on society.
Talk about each opinions and provides your individual opinion.
The leisure business is without doubt one of the largest sectors in all around the globe. Some assume that the individuals who work in that business earn an excessive amount of cash contemplating their unhealthy affect on society, and I agree. Others, nonetheless, consider that their constructive influence on others is definitely worth the cash that they’re paid.
On the one hand, there is no such thing as a doubt that present enterprise is a gigantic and unfairly nicely paid sector. Along with that, members of it don’t add actual worth, in comparison with others like, as an illustration, schooling staff. Though in some nations academics dwell with unreasonable wages, their accountability, is extraordinarily priceless for subsequent generations turn into higher folks. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly wage from one live performance. The opposite essential level is, for a balanced and equal society, the distinction between revenue ranges should not be very excessive. Regardless than their contribution, nobody ought to make billions of {dollars} that simply, as a result of that imbalance does have a major destructive influence on societies.
Alternatively, some folks assume that entertainers’ contribution to the trendy life is definitely worth the cash they earn. It may be understood that for many individuals, watching a film or going to a live performance is irreplaceable with different actions; subsequently, they assume that their constructive influence is essential for a major proportion of individuals. Along with that, celebrities do compromise their privateness and freedom with being identified by many others. In trade of that, they do deserve a cushty life with considerably higher paychecks.
In conclusion, regardless of their minimal contribution with their work to the folks and sacrifice from their personal life; I consider that their influence is much from being constructive and they aren’t paid pretty or balanced with others.
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Activity Response: 7
Each components of the query are absolutely answered and there’s a clear place and opinion offered. However a few of the assist loses focus and generalises an excessive amount of. This may be seen within the final a part of physique paragraph one, which simply states there are destructive impacts once more however doesn’t say why.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
Pretty well-organised however there are some points with CC. For occasion ‘as well as’ doesn’t slot in physique paragraph one so early as the subject sentence has but to be defined. The thesis can be higher with the opinion on the finish.
Lexical Useful resource: 6
An enough vary of vocabulary however there are inaccuracies and errors with phrase types.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
Good vary and mixture of easy and sophisticated sentences however too many noticeable errors for a band 7. For occasion, “Regardless than their contribution” or the fragment: “Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly wage from one live performance.”
Subject: Computer systems and Educating (Band 6)
College youngsters have gotten far too depending on computer systems and that is having an alarming impact on studying and writing abilities. Lecturers must keep away from utilizing computer systems within the classroom in any respect prices and return to educating primary examine abilities.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Kids are born into the digital world. From younger age, they know tips on how to function computer systems, iPad, and TV. It’s a part of their every day life. College age youngsters is not any exception to using computer systems. They’re assured customers of computer systems and really depending on them which may result in decline in studying and writing abilities. Some academics utilise the computer systems nicely of their classes, whereas others keep away from using computer systems of their lecture rooms. I consider good steadiness of each is required to assist college students’ studying and writing abilities to enhance.
Computer systems may also help college students with studying. For instance, if college students come throughout unknown phrases, they’ll search the unknow phrases and listen to the pronunciation. If it was not for the computer systems, they’ve to search out somebody who is aware of tips on how to pronounce the phrases for them. Subsequently, computer systems can play constructive position in college students’ studying abilities.
On the opposite fingers, writing abilities must be improved by a number of handwritten works. If college students are utilizing computer systems on a regular basis and getting the assistance of autocorrection, they won’t enhance their writing abilities. They won’t know tips on how to edit as autocorrect is doing the job for them.
In conclusion, I consider that academics mustn’t permit college students to do all of the work on the computer systems particularly writing duties. Nonetheless, instructor mustn’t keep away from using laptop as computer systems generally is a nice assist in the event that they use it successfully. Reasonably than avoiding computer systems that college students are so used to, academics must provide you with tips on how to use it successfully to reinforce college students’ studying and writing abilities.
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Activity Response: 6
You’ve addressed the query correctly and your concepts are related. Nonetheless, you don’t have sufficient assist in your physique paragraphs, which is an important side almost about the grading. Shorten your introduction significantly (2 or 3 sentences to introduce the subject and thesis). It presently doesn’t meet the requirement of “presents, extends and helps most important concepts” for band 7.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
You sequence info and concepts logically, however your linking gadgets are a bit too mechanical i.e. transition phrases in preliminary sentence place e.g. for instance, subsequently, alternatively and so on. A larger vary and better capacity to hyperlink can be wanted for 7 and over. Check out this recommendation on utilizing transitions for band 7.
Referencing must also be improved e.g. “Some academics utilise the computer systems nicely of their classes, whereas others keep away from using computer systems them of their lecture rooms.”
Lexical Useful resource: 7
Enough vary of vocab and a few much less frequent vocab used, however some errors in phrase selection / formation forestall a band 8.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
Total the grammar is excellent, however there may be an error in fairly a couple of of the sentences. Most are fairly minor however a few very noticeable and the candidates must take care with this to keep away from a drop to a 6.
Subject: Improved Medical Care (Band 6.5)
One of many penalties of improved medical care is that individuals are dwelling longer and life expectancy is growing.
Do you assume some great benefits of this growth outweigh the disadvantages?
Because the medical care system has made vital progress within the final many years, folks these days become older. Whereas this may be seen as a transparent profit on a private view, it causes large issues on a world view. That’s why I believe that the advantages of a better life expectancy don’t outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, a bonus of an extended life and higher medical care is that folks can spend extra time with their family members with out being in ache. As it’s potential to deal with diseases the best way, that they don’t have an effect on the affected person’s life anymore. For instance, even a couple of years in the past lots of people died having a coronary heart assault. With the elevated medical prospects this isn’t the case anymore. Consequently, folks can overcome diseases that had been lethal.
Alternatively, the worldwide influence an extended life expectancy has is big. This may be seen by the truth that an extended life of people means a better inhabitants on planet earth. As an illustration, we have already got about 8 billion inhabitants and this quantity is growing steadily. Consequently, we’ll not have sufficient assets to realize meals and water for such a excessive variety of people.
Moreover, an extended life interval additionally causes increased prices for the medical care system. Motive for that’s that extra assets are wanted to maintain folks wholesome and alive. As an example, for the prevention of a coronary heart assault the affected person will get quite a lot of tablets to lower his blood stress. This medicine is pricey. Accordingly, we are going to want an increasing number of younger folks to finance the medical system, or the system have to be modified.
All in all, it’s comprehensible that folks want to have a wholesome and really lengthy life. However for my part the worldwide disadvantages clearly outweigh the private benefits of an extended life and higher medical care.
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Activity Response: 7
Content material of the essay and concepts are typically okay. Nonetheless, the preliminary clarification for the benefits is just not at all times clear. The reader has to nonetheless take into consideration what you imply about “being in ache.” A stricter examiner might penalize both TR or CC as a result of the reader nonetheless has to course of what is supposed on this paragraph. However I believe the common examiner will provide you with a 7 as the opposite paragraphs are okay.
Coherence & Cohesion: 7
Using sequencers is okay. CC ranges 8 and 9 don’t essentially have very apparent introductory phrases originally of practically each sentence (e.g. on the one hand, for instance, consequently), and too many might even restrict it to a band 6 if it is rather mechanical. Check out mannequin 8/9 essays to see the way it ought to be finished in order for you a better rating.
Lexical Useful resource: 7
Vocabulary is okay, regardless of an error or two. However for a better rating, you’ll want extra complicated phrases.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
There’s a good mixture of complicated sentences although this side might be improved – some sentences might be linked collectively to make the essay extra complicated, which might be anticipated for a band 7, 8 and 9. And that is complicated – “As it’s potential to deal with diseases the best way, that they don’t have an effect on the affected person’s life anymore.” Try tips on how to write complicated sentences as you seem to have a fraction – complicated sentences.
Double-check to right errors you might be conscious of. As earlier talked about, the primary physique paragraph has points. There are additionally punctuation points (comma) in different areas. I believe this doesn’t fairly attain a 7 however could be very shut.
Subject: Power in Sport (Band 6)
Some folks assume that bodily power is essential for achievement in sport, whereas others assume that psychological power is extra essential.
Talk about each views and provides your individual opinion.
Bodily power is taken into account to be an crucial side for achievements within the subject of sports activities. Nonetheless, many people argue that psychological power additionally performs a pivotal position. This essay represents view for either side together with the opinion.
Firstly, speaking about bodily power, common workouts permits a person to remain match and wholesome by stretching physique muscle tissue that retains the physique energetic. Secondly, workouts will be carried out in a manner of practising any exercise associated to sports activities; for an occasion, taking part in tennis or soccer could supplies an encouragement and an exploration of latest concepts and methods that may be utilized throughout video games. Lastly, workouts reduces the danger of well being points, equivalent to alterations in blood stress, cardio-vascular illnesses, by regulating blood stream in complete physique that forestalls danger of coronary heart and mind strokes.
On the opposite facet, a wholesome thoughts lives in a wholesome physique. In keeping with this phrase, psychological power performs an important position in sports activities actions. In at present’s world of competitors, an individual got here by way of many conditions which might be filled with stress, for instance, staff stress, stress of profitable or loosing the sport. Furthermore, a person can not give attention to sports activities until or till his psychological power is just not robust. A stress could leads a participant into despair which may put him on stress releasing medicine for his complete life. Moreover, state of happiness supplies leisure to psychological energy that increase up the arrogance stage to carry out nicely within the sports activities.
For my part, each bodily in addition to psychological power are thought of to be obligatory as a result of if workouts helps within the development of physique equally psychological power provides confidence and assist to play nicely.
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Activity Response: 7
The essay addresses all components of the duty, a transparent place is offered all through the response and most important concepts are prolonged and supported most important concepts. Nonetheless, there’s a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting concepts could lack focus.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
The essay is clearly organised but it surely tends to be a bit mechanical with using the transition/sequencers (e.g. firstly, secondly, lastly and so on).
Lexical Useful resource: 6
There may be an enough vary of vocabulary for the job however not sufficient to fulfill the and seven standards of “adequate vary of vocabulary to permit some flexibility and precision” or “makes use of much less frequent lexical gadgets”.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
On this IELTS band 6 essay pattern there may be proof of a mixture of each easy and sophisticated constructions however error free sentences should not frequent (band 7), however the errors current don’t scale back the communicative impact so it deserves a 6, not 5.
Subject: Relocating Companies (Band 6)
In some nations governments are encouraging business and enterprise to maneuver out of enormous cities and go to regional areas.
Do some great benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, business and enterprise have been encouraging by a part of the nations governments to determine their factories in regional areas as a substitute of in giant cities. I strongly consider that there are way more advantages on this motion than drawbacks.
Having an organization in a metropolitan space might convey a number of advantages, particularly as a result of the infrastructure is best than in smaller facilities, with extra transport choices to obtain and dispatch items in addition to an even bigger vary of specialised companies and in addition expert labour. Even tought, often the overall prices to maintain a enterprise in giant cities are increased and never price it, as an illustration the taxes and rents are usually dearer.
Alternatively, shifting industries to regional areas may gain advantage not simply the native inhabitants, but additionally the entrepreneurs, because of the financial savings. A brand new enterprise in a city or small metropolis could convey extra alternatives for staff, with job presents the inhabitants don’t want to maneuver to metropolies looking for for a larger careers. Moreover, nearly all the most important facilities on this planet are closely populated, reorganize the inhabitants density additionally brings benefits within the sense to keep away from migration to already overcrowded areas.
As well as, industries and enterprise can result in the event of a special area owing to the necessity to enhancements that may advantages everybody, equivalent to authorities investimento in roads, in addition to new alternatives to small commerces to provide every day want, like eating places and bakeries.
To sum up, there are quite a few advantages within the politice that encourage firms to determine in regional areas, which outweigh the drawbacks. The benefits obtain the entrepreneurs, the native inhabitants from cities in addition to the big cities. In addition to, the federal government can plan higher tips on how to distribute the inhabitants.
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Activity Response: 7
You focus on and clarify the problems nicely, ensuring you focus on each advantages and downsides. You focus a bit extra on advantages which is okay as you assume there are extra of those.
Coherence & Cohesion: 6
Your essay is usually organised okay however there are errors with cohesion. “Even tought” is ought to be “Nonetheless” – test how these phrases differ (the primary is used to make adverbial clauses, and nonetheless is a transition. Additionally you may’t have ‘Alternatively’ with out firstly having “On the one hand”. Examine on-line tips on how to use these phrases. That is maybe an space the place you may attain a 7 when you take a bit extra care.
Lexical Useful resource: 6
Vocabulary is usually okay and there are some good phrases in there. You’ve too many spelling errors which brings it all the way down to a 6. I don’t perceive this: ‘politice’. Once more watch out. Maybe you may get 7 when you attempt to minimize out the spelling errors.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: 6
That is solely only a 6 as you do have some noticeable and in instances barely complicated errors (you’ll see a few of the spelling and grammar errors when you look on Phrase). I believe it’s not fairly a 5 but it surely’s potential one other examiner would award it that. Be notably cautious about comma splices as these can actually confuse what you are attempting to say. These all have comma splices in:
- …often the overall prices to maintain a enterprise in giant cities are increased and never price it, as an illustration the taxes and rents are usually dearer.
- A brand new enterprise in a city or small metropolis could convey extra alternatives for staff, with job presents the inhabitants don’t want to maneuver to metropolies looking for for a larger careers.
- Moreover, nearly all the most important facilities on this planet are closely populated, reorganize the inhabitants density additionally brings benefits within the sense to keep away from migration to already overcrowded areas.
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